Mind Control and the Completeness Obsession
I’m thinking a lot about whether I trust myself.
Not in the bigger sense of being out of control at certain points (I’ve controlled those remaining outposts of wildness over the years: only now to be seen when an invited house guest..) No, I mean whether I trust my mind enough. When I wrote about trusting my creativity within confined time slots I kind of papered over the nagging little voice.The nagging little voice is an element within me that is both good and bad. One of my strengths and also my hindrances? I talk a good game about taking an 80:20 approach. To operating within the time slots. But the little voice is always there in different guises.And what does it say? First, it continually asks ‘why’? Good in a number of ways, but it wants to know how and why things work from a people perspective. All the time. And sometimes it doesn’t relent until I’ve settled. The bad side of this is that it is over-rationalising and attempts to compartmentalise too rapidly at times. It attempts to exert too much mind control and not allow the grey.Equally, this same voice does not settle until it has the biggest picture. Until it satisfies itself on a sense of completeness around an issue. Again, this is good (it means I tend not to leave areas unexplored and I tend to know the stuff that I need to know to the confidently operate with that knowledge) but is also bad. Sometimes it feels like I’m driving a performance sports car that’s tied to a powerful bungee cord. I can start fast and then it starts to slow….. and slow…… until it snaps. Then I’m off again at full speed.Now this leads me to a number of observations:
- Am I failing to trust my ability to be other-than-consciously complete on issues. Am I consciously intervening (the bungee slowing) when I should just unhook from the cord before setting off
- Do I need to operate more in the quick and dirty/ 80:20 and forget about the why at times? Or is the creative tension healthy?